Internet dating and I are back on. I haven’t actually been on any dates yet, so here is a story about something that happened a few years ago when I was traveling.
After a dinner that consisted mostly of beer, followed by special brownies for dessert, I wasn’t in the most clear-headed of states by the time I rolled into my hostel some time around midnight. I found my way to bed and was just drifting off when Jim, who was staying in a bed near mine, came home and climbed into bed with me. He was in about the same state I was and decided it was a good idea to lie next to me and tell me all about the lovely girl he had just had sex with that night.
“Hug me please,” he said.
“No, go to your own bed” I replied.
He insisted on staying for hugs. Wasted hugs are always nice, so I decided to let him stay.
I said “fine then, sleep here, but we are not having sex”
All clothes stayed on and nothing happened and I started to drift off back to sleep.
Then boy started dry humping my leg.
“Is this ok?” he asked.
“No Jim, bloody hell just go to sleep or go to your own bed or something.”
“Ok ok just hug me” he said.
So we two mash-heads hugged and started falling asleep. We started falling asleep until he started trying to dry hump my leg again.
“Is this alright?”
“No seriously I want to sleep, I don’t want to have sex with you, stop it and go to sleep.”
All clothes are still on.
He tried at least two more times that night to dry hump my leg then insist on hugging me when I told me to stop it.
Not sure what the plan was; dry hump my leg until he came in his pants, or hope that his erotic dry humping would turn me on and I’d bang him.
Finally the dry humping attempts stopped and we both fell asleep properly.
In the morning I woke up feeling a little less messy in the head. When Jim woke up he again decided to tell me the story of the wonderful girl he had sex with the night before. I think he was still pretty drunk. By now I was sober enough to realise the ridiculousness of the situation.
“Ok Jim go to your bed now.”
“Can’t we just hug”
“Bed. Now. Go.”
“Ok Evie. Ok.