Recently some girlfriends and I visited the island nation of Cuba. Home to salsa music, socialism and the some of the world’s worst cuisine.
Cuba takes fucking shit up in the kitchen to the next level. Some meals are like a home cooked meal cooked by someone not very good at cooking. Other meals taste more like they were cooked by an 18 year old on his first night living out of home trying to cook his first meal without Mum’s help. While stoned.
Havana was wonderful though. It has an energy about it that is irresistible and music is everywhere. The whole place is a bit like stepping into a time warp. Old cars from the 1960s rumble through the streets and the inside of many buildings look like they were decorated by someones Grandma in 1972 and never updated.
This isn’t a food blog or travel blog though, so let’s talk about dudes.
Cuba is the cat-calling capital of the world, maybe the universe.
My girlfriends and I couldn’t walk a minute down the road without hearing-
“I love you” and the ever-present
“Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss”, which I think might be the Cuban equivalent of a wolf-whistle. Either that or they are really into snakes.
Being at work is no barrier to calling out to women. We had fireman blowing kissed and ambulance officers waving and hissing. The best story though, is from the cops.
My girlfriend Emma and I were walking along the streets of Havana, heading for a bar, when some police officers drove by us, slowed right down, waved and smiled, then stopped. We waved back and the motioned for us to come over.
“Let’s go jump in their car.” Em said.
As always, easily led I agreed.
We climbed in the back seat and looked at each other. Holy fuck we just jumped into the back of a police car.
“Hey guys, ahh Hola” I said, trying to make some conversation. We quickly established that the boys spoke very little English, and Em and my Spanish combined was limited to ordering beer and saying “gracias”.
The policeman started driving and suddenly I wondered if this had been such a good idea. Sitting in the back of a police car isn’t something people tend to do for fun and after a few minutes it really isn’t very fun. It’s just like sitting in the back of any old car, only behind perspex. We seemed to be just driving around aimlessly and I said to Emma that maybe we should get out when we could. I felt for a door handle and realised there wasn’t one, which makes sense. Otherwise you’d have criminals escaping every time the cops pulled up at the traffic lights.
The police officers drove us to a park and let us out. No one quite knew what to do but we sort of paired off, with me ending up with the cop who’d been driving.
We stood there looking at each other smiling and then I attempted a bit of drunk seduction.
“Tu ojos bonitos cara buena” which I think basically translates to,
“You – nice eyes good face,” but I could be wrong on that part.
We looked at each other some more, then he leaned in and kissed me. Now, I’m not fully up with the rules and regulations of the Cuban Five-0 but I’d say picking up girls and pashing on with them in parks whilst on duty is not part of the job description. As handsome as Officer Romeo was, we couldn’t stand there kissing all night. I had a bar to find and he had crimes to fight, or more girls to pull. We exchanged email addresses, kissed once more then Em and I headed off.
That wasn’t the end of this love story though. A couple of hours and a few more mojitos later, Emma and I stumbled out of the bar without a peso between us. All our money had been spent on drinks and we had resigned ourselves to walking home when up pulled Officer Romeo and his side-kick Officer Don Juan. They waved at us to get in again.
Is Havana some sort of crime free Utopia where the police have nothing else to do? Whatever. We had no money and were hoping for a free ride home. I was pretty drunk at this stage and I kept requesting they put the siren on. Then I got on my police radio, that is, I held my hand to my mouth, and started saying
“All units, all units we have a 124 all units”. and
“Hey boys, if you need to fight some crimes tonight, I’m in, I can help, I have watched a lot of Law and Order and CSI.”
I thought I was fucking hilarious.
We tried to get them to take us home, waving the card that showed our address and saying, “aqui, aqui.”
The officers continued to drive the opposite direction to where we were staying seemingly uninterested in acting as a free taxi service. Things were going no-where so we had them drop us on the street so we could continue walking home.
They drove off, but not long after we heard,
“Evie, Emma”. It was them, back again, calling out from their car.
“Yeah we are heading home now guys, thanks bye” both of us by now a bit over it.
They continued to drive along side us, slowly.
I looked at Emma “If they don’t go soon, I think we might have to run from the cops,” I said to her.
They did eventually leave, I’d like to think to do some actual police work but they may have just spotted some hotter chicks.
*************************************************************************** If you follow this blog maybe you noticed I haven’t been around for a while. I felt like I ran out of stories to tell and my writing was crap anyway. I missed everyone, I missed blogging so I have decided to come back anyway, even if I have lost my writing mojo. It’s good to be back.